The Survey - Results
This is long, but worth it. So, grab your drinks, snacks and settle in.
To the spectacular Women who participated:
This post is later than intended and you’ve my sincere apologies for the tardiness. You also have my undying appreciation and soul level gratitude, not only for sharing your voices and perspectives here, but giving graciously of your time, hearts and minds to do so.
It should not be lost on the Men reading, that your contributions were less about being seen and finally heard, and more about providing guidance for them, in a country they think they know, but actually know very little about - The country called “Woman”.
To the Men reading:
This survey was undertaken for several reasons, chief among them - the lack of understanding we have, of what Women are. I’m not speaking of the ridiculous gender controversy, but of the complexities, intricacies and nuances that make up her nebulous being. Over and above the carnal body, that is adorned with articles of clothing or swatches of make-up, sit much weightier and more beautiful elements, that are rarely understood, by us.
More than anything, this survey is meant to illustrate that she is literally God’s alchemy of emotion; thought; intuitions; chemical pools, that regulate orbits of metaphysical cycles; and divinity - yes divinity.
The flesh and bone, the bodies and faces we’re captivated by - natures beautiful hooks - are but slivers of who she is and what she represents.
The Challenge
My challenge to the Men reading is two-fold: Evisceration & Understanding.
Evisceration: Resolve here and now, to slice open the festering belly of lies, hate and division, that’s been being filled over generations. Pull from your guts the rotting ignorance, blinding apathy and stinking superiority, that has muted and numbed your pursuit of truth and understanding of women.
Understanding: It’s a shame this needs to be explained past the singular word, but the understanding referred to is the re-writing of age old, venomous internal scripts. Ones that have painted the natural and intentionally created facets of women as silly, stupid, crazy, illogical and dumb. They’re none of these things and exist in perfect form, for the beings they were made to be.
This new understanding of women will demand new levels of honesty, care, integrity and ego death, in order to relate to and accept it.
I’ll caution the following: This isn’t a “Winner/Loser” - Us vs Them” - “But what about when they…” endeavor. This is a pursuit to understand just a small part of something, men have absolutely no experience in or comprehension of - being a woman.
If you find yourself scoffing, discounting or dismissing these answers - some of which may not make sense to you - stop and ask this simple question:
“Who are the experts, on what it is and means, to be a woman?
Is it Men, who’ve never been women - or - Women, who daily hold and live the reality of what women think, feel, want, desire, hope for, how they love and how their unique existence physically manifests? “
The Survey
The responses were left as original as possible, with little summarization. Space was also given to longer responses - when provided - as they held deeper and valuable insights, that complimented the shorter answers.
Last thought: The wise and intelligent man will make note of how few times “Sex” is mentioned or ranked highly, in the responses below.
Here we go!!
If you overheard a woman say, “I love when a man is Masculine”, what are five words that describe what you think she might mean?
Protective - Not in the archaic “Me Tarzan” sense, but in the almost ineffable way someone makes you feel safe in their presence, like nothing idiotic or dangerous could happen on their watch.
One participant similarly framed it as “Dangerous” (as in, is able to protect his family if / when need be)
Grounded - Not just emotionally stable, but rooted, like a tree that doesn’t flinch in the storm. He knows who he is, and that quiet knowing is gravity itself.
Attuned - Here’s the twist: the most seductive kind of masculinity is not oblivious. He notices. He senses. He’s perceptive without being performative. Strength with sensitivity, that’s the real black magic.
One participant similarly framed it as “Embodied”
Decisive - The kind of man who orders the wine without fear of being wrong. There’s poetry in certainty, especially when it’s expressed without arrogance.
Disciplined
Dominant
Strong; Tough
Commanding/Confident - Not dominating, but magnetic. The man who walks into a room and rearranges its chemistry without saying a word. He doesn’t need a throne, presence is his crown.
Provider; Resourceful; Financially viable in order to provide, protect and lead a family; Fatherly
Gentle Warrior; Kind; Understanding; Unpretentious
Present; Authentic; Compassionate
Sovereign; Leader; Independent; Unapologetic
Powerful; Influential; Initiative
Devoted; Dutiful
Honest; No bullshit
Romantic; Satisfying in bed
If you heard a man say, “Men need to be Masculine with women”, what are five words that describe what you think HE might mean?
Grounded - regulated nervous system; Certain; Direct; Communicative; Proactive.
Aggressive; Dominating; In control; Logical - stoic.
Protective; Providing; Gentleman, Strong, Leading.
Boundaried; In charge; Leading; Opening doors; Paying for meals.
Anchor; Initiator; Leader; Protector; Provider.
Trustworthy; Decisive; Calm; Protect; Provide.
Aware; Protective; Tough; Hard-working; Stable
Protective; Decisive; Take none of her histrionic bullshit - And at the same time appreciate her femininity; Punch a scumbag who touched her ass in a bar.
Dominant – Not always in a sinister way, but often with an outdated script in hand. He may be channeling Hemingway after two whiskeys: the idea that to lead is to loom.
Assertive – He likely means “take initiative,” but it risks sliding into performance if it’s about posturing rather than presence. He wants to seem sure, but the subtext is often: I need to prove, I’m sure.
Stoic – Emotional self-control masquerading as strength. The kind of masculinity that confuses vulnerability with weakness and believes the highest virtue is not flinching.
Provider – There’s often a transactional edge here, as if courtship were a contract. Masculinity becomes a résumé of offerings: status, stability, steak dinners, square footage.
Coded – Because behind that sentence, there’s almost always a hidden anxiety—about gender roles, about control, about identity in a world that’s rewriting the script. It’s not just about women; it’s about proving something to other men.
If you were to say to a girlfriend in conversation, “I just want to be loved by a man”, what would that specifically mean?
Appreciated for my femininity; Protected; Cared for; Strong arms; Someone I can look up to.
If I say that, it means someone who is intelligent; steadfast in their convictions; respects themselves and me. Someone who is compassionate and emotionally intelligent enough to receive love and to express his wants and needs and who will reciprocate with a desire to fulfil my needs and wants. It also means I want that love to come from a place of safety and protection. But he must also be the kind of man who is esteemed enough to not diminish my spark and desire to protect him in return.
That the man is thoughtful, meaning he thinks ahead and about my needs; that he takes initiative; that he expresses verbally and physically how much he finds me attractive. It also means he is someone I can trust and that is proud to be with me and be around me.
I want to be treated with respect and dignity — not as a project, not as a performance, and not as a possession. But as a whole intricate woman made in the image of God.
I want to be listened to, not just heard. I want my words to land. I want my silence to be noticed. I want my heart to matter, even when I don’t have the right words or perhaps tone.
I want to be able to come undone in front of him — emotionally, spiritually, even physically — and know that he won’t retreat, collapse, or shut down because my depths feel too big. I want him to stay. To be rooted enough in his own masculinity that my waves don’t drown him — they deepen him.
I want to be safe in his steadiness; To feel invited, not instructed; To be called forward, not controlled; To be given the permission to flourish in the fullness of my femininity.
I don’t want a Perfect man. I want a Present Man. One who honors the weight of Love — and carries it with courage. (This is everything my husband has given and gifted to me - and more!)
Fatherly in more of a spiritual way. Lots of men are fatherly in a financial providing way, but it’s more rare to experience a romantic partner have those father codes and be able to father you in a more priestly/ sage way that’s present with emotions and doesn’t run or take it personally.
I want to be held, cared and provided for, desired and loved, by a man, who loves me deeply for who I am and wants me, but doesn´t need me.
Being loved by a man…attentive, supportive, gentle, kind, understanding, curiosity, accountable, seeking their own growth, trustworthy, and in their own truth and integrity all speak love to me.
Seen; Heard; Safe; Protected; Provided for.
What are your five highest needs and wants as a woman, regardless of relationship status and excluding basic human needs - Masslo's Hierarchy?
Security + safety X 5; This encompasses attention, resourcefulness, intelligence, financial viability, emotional availability etc.
Safety; Understanding; Truth; Trust; Transparency.
Safety & Security; Love; Touch; Desire; Freedom.
Liberation; Power; Mastery of my mind & emotions; Vitality; Health.
Companionship / Community; Fertility (Creatively/Biologically/ Physiologically / Reproductively); Devotion (a heart that lives from the inside out — tethered to truth and tradition, shaped by God’s story, and postured in Faithfulness); Rest; Surrender / softness.
Feeling like I am part of a community; Taking care of my body, mind and spirit; Financial Security; Feel a sense of purpose in my work; Experiencing a sense of joy in life.
Expansion - Not just freedom, but growth with depth. The hunger to evolve intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, beyond the container others try to pour us into. A life that stretches us into complexity, contradiction, and self-authorship.
Resonance - To feel understood, not just heard. To engage in conversations, art, work, or silence where the frequency matches our interior world. We don’t want only to express, we want to reverberate, to feel that exquisite, rare click of kindred wavelengths.
Sovereignty - The non-negotiable right to own one’s time, space, body, choices, and narrative. It’s not about independence for its own sake but authorship. We crave to be the narrators, not the side characters in someone else’s script.
Beauty - Not vanity - beauty. Lived beauty. In a scent, a sentence, a scarf, a sunrise, a glance. Women often seek the poetic dimension of existence. To curate, to create, to savor. It’s not frivolous, it’s fuel.
Meaningful Impact - A want that borders on spiritual obligation. To leave a fingerprint on the world, however small. Through ideas, creation, kindness, defiance… whatever the medium. Not just to live, but to matter.
Home; Education; Career; Health and fitness (mental, physical, spiritual); Relationship - love / intimacy.
Comfort; Security; Sanity; Central air; Beauty.
When you see a man that attracts your attention, what's the first thing you wonder or ask yourself, about him?
Who did he vote for
I wonder what he's going to be like when he stops putting his best foot forward—what is he like on a bad day, in a crunch, or under stress.
When a man truly catches my attention, not just visually, but viscerally, the first question isn’t something logical or polite. It’s almost primal, almost whispered. It sounds something like:
“What’s his center made of?” Not his job, his looks, his clothes… those are footnotes.
The real question is: “Is there gravity in him, or is it just surface tension?”
Does he move through the world from some inner axis, or is he just auditioning in the marketplace of impressions? Because attention, I mean real attention, isn’t given for symmetry or swagger. It’s earned in microseconds by something subtler: a presence that feels anchored, a kind of self-possession that isn’t aggressive but undeniable.
And once I am hooked, the questions deepen: - “What does he protect that he never speaks of?”
What would he risk everything for?
Would I feel more myself in his orbit, or less?
Attraction isn’t about what I see, but what I sense and what I imagine. The man who stirs curiosity beyond the body is the one who haunts me in the most intoxicating way.
I wonder if he is secure in himself.
When I met the man who is now my husband, the first question I asked myself was: "Will He be a good father to my children?".
Does he have good boundaries?
Can he hold me?
What is his mother wound, I wonder?
If you could only have one of the following from a man, which would it be? Do not add nuance, take the words at face value: 1) Sex 2) To be held 3) To be seen 4) To be understood 5) To be heard or listened to.
One participant gave a great explanation, of each of these 5 items:
To be seen - The foundation. The mirror that doesn’t distort. The recognition that makes a woman feel real in her own story. Because if he truly sees me, without projection, without agenda, without blinking, then everything else becomes possible, or unnecessary. Being seen is the original nakedness. It’s the moment before touch, before words, before stories. It’s recognition at the level of essence. And once I’ve been seen like that, the world can never flatten me again.
To be understood - Because being seen is the spark, but being understood is the shelter. It’s where the fire stays lit without having to perform.
To be held - Physical, yes, but also metaphysical. The containment of chaos, the silent “you don’t have to carry this alone”.
To be heard or listened to - The ear is sacred, but without the eyes and the mind behind it, it’s just an open door with no one home.
Sex - Sacred, vital, transformative but without the others, it risks being noise rather than music. Gorgeous noise, yes, but not symphony.
That’s the order of fuel. Soul first, body as a consequence, not the other way around.
The results of question 6: In order of the most, to the least chosen.
3 - To be seen. (More than half the participants chose this, as the one thing they’d want from a man).
2 - To be held.
4 - To be understood.
5 - To be heard or listened to: None chose this option.
1 - Sex: (None chose this option, which should speak volumes to Men).
Please rank the 5 options, from the previous question, in order of importance to you personally.
Ranking by percentages, based on participants choices in each tier.
Most Important: To be Seen - 55%.
2nd Most Important: Understood - 44%.
3rd Most Important: Heard or Listened to - 44%.
4th Most important: Held - 55%.
5th Most Important: Sex - 77%.
Additional comments from participants:
“The other 4 [non-sexual items], are actually what open me up sexually because I know that I am safe and secure.”
If you could choose, what would be the one way a man could show you, that he loved you?
Service - Quality time
To be fully responsible for himself.
Be happy and excited to see me
He prioritizes God/ his spiritual practice over me.
Coming into covenant with me. I say this because so many Men today have gamophobia (fear of commitment).
To listen without defensiveness
He stays when I’m not performing.
That he wants to be close to me, in my bubble, drawn towards me with affection no matter what. That's how I love, through all the beauty and the grime, I want that in return.
Respect my mind
Why would a woman have sex with a man, they do not feel a deeper or emotionally safe connection with?
She's starved for validation of her worth and seeks to get it from someone who won't give it. Because hello--daddy issues.
I generally must have an emotional connection. When I've not it's not been from a sincere place.
They are disconnected from themselves, or they want to "get it over with" - like get him off her back, to stop bothering her about it.
Because She has been taught / told that what makes her valuable as a Woman is her sexuality (not her heart).
Alcohol, covert agreement/ transactional love, desperate need for attention, desperate for money.
To gain attention and proving her worth.
Now, no freaking clue, but it’s taken me years and many painful situations to get here. I’ve lived a life where I was seeking love, attention, a sense of power from these encounters, however.
Power, insecurity, instant gratification, or to instigate a connection.
Another great expanded explanation - for Question 9:
Here we enter the shadowlands, where motivations are layered, slippery, and often unspeakable even to the woman herself. When a woman has sex with a man she doesn’t feel a deeper or emotionally safe connection with, it’s rarely about pure pleasure or simple desire. It’s usually about something else wearing the mask of intimacy.
Here are those masks:
To reclaim power. In a world that constantly scripts her body as someone else’s prize, sex can feel like a way to flip the script even if only briefly. “I choose, I direct, I control”. But power isn’t the same as connection, and it often leaves a quiet ache in its wake.
To escape herself. Sex can be a form of dissociation that pretends to be presence. When she’s numb, lost, or fragmented, the body becomes a stage where she can pretend (for a moment) that she’s real, wanted, alive.
To prove worth. Somewhere deep, she may carry the script: if he desires me, I matter. Even if the desire is shallow, even if the moment is hollow, it feeds the old wound that equates being wanted with being lovable.
To silence loneliness. Not just physical loneliness, but existential loneliness, the kind that whispers at 3 a.m. and curls around the edges of identity. Sex becomes a temporary cure, like drinking seawater to quench thirst.
Because she wants to, but not from the heart. Desire isn’t always profound. Sometimes it’s chemical, impulsive, animal. And that’s valid, too. But when there’s no emotional safety, the body might get what it craves while the soul rolls its eyes in the background.
In short, it’s almost never just about the man. It’s about her: her longing, her hunger, her war, her silence. The man may think he’s center stage, but often he’s just a stand-in for something far older and more intimate: her relationship with herself.
What are five things, you do not consider “Masculine” in a man?
Avoidance; Withholding emotions; Victim consciousness; Giving away their power; Lack of discernment.
Control; Aggression; Manipulation; Lying or Self-deception; Lack of Protector or Provider-ship.
Neediness; Non-commitment; Non-confrontation; Weakness; Whining.
Addiction; Instability; Inconsistency; Overly adaptable; Pleasure seeking.
Passivity; Indecisiveness; Emotional immaturity; Lust-driven living (being led by appetite instead of anchored by values - masculinity governs desire, it doesn’t get governed by it; Inconsistency.
Aggressiveness and/ or violence against people who don't deserve it; Poor conflict management (yells, defensiveness, hits things, people, etc.; Doesn't think for himself; Not goal or purpose oriented; Defers to everyone else.
Animosity/toxicity towards their own feminine qualities; Hyper masculinity; Feeling the need to do all the hard work; Not expressing emotions; Thinking they need to be a leader all the time.
Overly groomed; Frailty; Undermining competitive personality; Arrogance; New age woo woo; Democrat.
Emotional repression - Stoicism can be noble, but numbness isn’t strength. A man who fears his own emotions isn’t masculine, he’s armored in anxiety. Masculinity isn’t the absence of feeling. Masculinity is the courage to feel without losing form.
Dominance by intimidation - Bullying, belittling, commanding silence… these are symptoms of a hollow core. True masculinity doesn’t need to roar to be felt. Intimidation is a cheap substitute for influence.
Obsession with control - The need to micromanage everything (his partner, his image, his schedule, his body) reveals fragility, not mastery. Masculinity trusts chaos just enough to dance with it.
Performative aloofness - The detached, unbothered, too-cool-to-care persona? Not masculine. It’s the emotional equivalent of hiding behind sunglasses at night. A truly masculine man cares and owns it.
Validation-hoarding - The man who constantly seeks applause (through status, aesthetics, conquest) isn’t grounded. He’s gasping for approval. Masculinity doesn’t chase admiration. It radiates self-worth, quietly and unmistakably. So many behaviors we label “masculine” are just fear in costume. True masculinity doesn’t need to be declared. It’s recognized. Not in the shout, but in the stance.
What is the most important aspect about sex, that men just don’t understand or seem to know? This isn't necessarily asking about graphic technique, but there is no restriction on your answer here.
How much what they say affects a woman's desire.
For me it's just the lack of build and intimacy. Often story and buildup gets sacrificed for arriving at climax. I don't climax easily, I need an immersive experience, and I find myself rushing my own stories in my head so that I can follow along at the high pace. I don't think men know it's fast paced because they might think they're not rushing, but it often still feels that way. Perhaps I'm just afraid to ask or talk about that part of sex because I think a man would lose interest.
Emotional safety and connection and that women want to feel that they are desired by that man- before sex itself is even initiated.
Intimacy w his own body/ the auto-erotic, slowing down.
That they should give it time to build. The female body needs time to warm up and that every part should be included.
Sex doesn’t start in the bedroom. It starts in every interaction outside of the bedroom. Also, if you think your moving slow, move even slower, until she fully opens and can surrender and make sure she never feels rushed.
They are usually too driven by chemical release and not spiritual evolution or expansion. They don’t understand women are the portal for everything — maximizing their potential, elevating their spiritual expansion and evolutionary trajectory as a man and as a soul.
That for a Woman to fully open — to be receptive, supple, and surrendered in her body — She must first feel safe in her heart.
Women are not switches. We are slow bloomers by design. We need time, tenderness, patience and presence to soften and unfold.
Our sexual openness isn’t just physical — it’s deeply emotional, relational, and spiritual. When a Woman doesn’t feel emotionally secure or Truly seen, her body will protect her. She may go through the motions, but she will never truly receive her Man.
Touch, time, tone — it all matters. Foreplay for a woman doesn’t start in the bedroom. It begins with how you look at her while she’s making diner. How you speak to her when she’s vulnerable. How you respond when she’s overwhelmed. It’s in your patience, your steadiness, your attentiveness. Her nervous system has to relax before her body can respond. Sex, for a woman, is an extension of emotional intimacy. It’s her letting herself be entered, not just in body, but in Soul. And she cannot surrender in that way if she feels emotionally neglected, rushed, dismissed, or objectified.
So, the deepest thing a man can learn is this: To open a woman’s body, you must first honor her heart. To touch her sexually, you must first reach her spirit. And to be received by her, you must be a place she feels safe coming home to.
This is the question that lurks beneath all the surface talk of performance, technique, and endless “how-to” lists.
And the most important, most overlooked truth about sex that many men still don’t grasp is this: For many women, sex is not about what’s done to the body but what happens to the self.
Men are often taught to focus on mechanics (rhythm, pressure, position, duration) as if sex were a technical puzzle to solve. But for women, the body isn’t a playground. It’s a portal. And what matters most is how you make me feel within it: do I feel worshipped or used, amplified or erased, free or contained?
Here’s the deeper truth: My body doesn’t open from friction, it opens from feeling safe to disappear.
Not disappear into you, but into the moment, into my own surrender. Into a space where I don’t have to monitor, manage, perform, or protect. That’s the real climax: when I don’t just feel desired, but known, held, and, most crucially, safe to let go.
This is why some women cry after sex. Or go silent. Or feel emptier after a technically “great” night. Because our body might have said yes while our self was still holding its breath.
So no, it’s not about knowing where to touch…. it’s knowing who I become in your presence. And if you master that? I won’t remember the technique. I’ll remember how deeply I felt like myself in your arms.
In the past, how has a man (a stranger) acknowledged your attractiveness, in a way that allowed you to feel seen, appreciated, desired and safe?
It’s been so long, I dunno.
Desired AND safe? Hmmm not sure those two go together in this context but...I've had men comment on my looks, body etc., so that made me feel desired but not necessarily seen or safe. But if a stranger saved me from a dangerous situation that might do the trick.
He double taked when seeing me and then rested his eyes on me.
By asking me out in an upfront, innocent way.
Politely telling me I'm beautiful without a show (not yelling at me from a distance, following me, etc).
I was at a till once at a dog show purchasing lunch in a long lineup of people. The cashier was a male and he stopped looked at me making eye contact and said "I apologise for being so direct, but you look absolutely smashing. That dress, your lipstick, goregous!" I nearly fell over I was so surprised. It was so esteeming! And because it was in front of a great many people, I felt safe, if just a little bashful.
Once, walking alone through a museum, quiet, absorbed, invisible in the best way, a man passed by. Older, elegant, perhaps an academic or an artist, judging by the worn leather notebook in his hand. He glanced at me once, but didn’t stare. A few minutes later, we found ourselves standing before the same painting. He said, softly, without looking directly at me: “Some people walk through a room and change its temperature. That’s rare. You have that.” And then he nodded, not lecherously, not lingering, just a gentle acknowledgment, as if tipping his hat to a phenomenon of nature, then walked away.
That moment felt like a poem whispered into reality. No evaluation of parts. No hunger disguised as compliment. He didn’t take, he offered. What made it powerful was restraint paired with reverence. A kind of desire that didn’t need possession.
That’s how a stranger can make a woman feel seen, appreciated, desired, and safe: Not by declaring her beautiful… but by noticing her presence in the world with the kind of awe you reserve for rare, fleeting things.
In the past, the moments that made me feel Truly seen, appreciated, Desired, and safe were never about my body being sized up. It was when a man paused to say something like: "You have the kind of eyes that look like they’ve seen a lot…and stayed soft.” Or, “There’s something in your smile — like you carry both joy and depth.” Or even just a sincere, “You seem really interesting … like there’s more to you than meets the eye.”
Those words held weight. They told me He wasn’t just looking at me, but ee was genuinely noticing me. Not consuming, but beholding.
It’s not about needing constant compliments — it’s about knowing that when they come, they reach the places I actually want to be touched: my Soul, my Spirit, my story.
In your worst relationship, what was the one thing he was missing, that would've made all the smaller problems irrelevant or workable?
This is an example from my best relationship in its worst time: He was missing the sincere self-examination and instead being defensive, contrary and righteous. It nearly destroyed us.
Positive feedback severely lacking. "Clever girl" was about the extent of it, while criticism was robustly detailed and frequent. Also, never a please or a thank you... just seeming general petty disrespect. Decorum and encouragement are always necessary and should never diminish over time. I love being polite with my partners, and accommodating, and serving, and encouraging. With that, so many little things become insignificant, without, the little things become mountains.
Truly showing me with actions that I am important to him.
The one thing he was missing — the thing that made everything else feel unworkable — was self-control. He wasn’t free. He was a prisoner to so many things — addictions, escapism, emotional reactivity. Whether it was alcohol, porn, or just the inability to sit with discomfort without numbing out — He was constantly bowing to false masters.
Love for his mom.
He made everything about himself and was fragile, so I had to walk on eggshells around him- something I experienced several times. If he had stepped up and work on that, it could have worked- this goes for every man I had with that pattern.
Personal accountability.
I was missing from myself, that was the problem. Women focus too much on their man’s issues and not enough on their own. Men are putting up with too much shit from women.
Emotional courage. That one elusive thing that would have turned all the friction, the mismatched timing, the miscommunications into solvable puzzles instead of soul-draining cycles.
He could say “I love you” and “I want you,” but not “I’m scared,” “I was wrong,” or “I need help.”
He could fight, flirt, even apologize, but he couldn’t feel out loud.
He mistook control for strength and detachment for dignity.
He had intellect, ambition, charm, but no capacity to stand naked in the face of emotional truth, especially his own.
If he had had the courage to sit in discomfort instead of fleeing it, to name what he couldn’t fix, to stay in the fire of difficult conversations without going cold or combusting, then the small things wouldn’t have mattered. Because when emotional courage is present, intimacy becomes a living thing. Without it, you’re just two people rehearsing closeness on separate stages.
In your best relationship, what was the most loving thing a man ever did for you?
Haven’t had one.
Allowed for freedom and autonomy.
Making me feel safe and cared for and loving to do that.
Showed up consistently and followed through on everything he said he would do. (95% of the time).
Take pride in being with me.
He was able to hang on to my affection for him in my worst moments. He understood me in ways I'd never experienced. I could be dripping in shame, and he would just love me.
He wrote a song for me, about me, produced and recorded it and drew the cover art of me. For my wedding present.
And recently, He told our son that I was his woman when our son's TQIA+ allegiances eclipsed his love and trust for me. He told our son not to make him choose.
In my best relationship, the one that left fingerprints on the architecture of who I became, the most loving thing he ever did was believe in the version of me I hadn’t yet become, and hold space for her until I could step into her myself.
He didn’t push, didn’t preach, didn’t try to “help” in the usual way. He simply saw me — fully, frighteningly, faithfully — even when I was fractured, doubting, or playing small.
He spoke to the woman inside me that I sometimes couldn’t access: the bolder one, the freer one, the writer, the force. And when I questioned myself, he would say things like, “You don’t need to earn being extraordinary. You just are.” Not as flattery. As fact. Quiet, steady, unshakable.
That kind of love doesn’t decorate you, it builds you. It’s the love that doesn’t rescue you from the fire but hands you the match and says, “You were always meant to light it yourself, I just wanted to watch you burn beautifully”. That’s love. Not adoration. Not dependency. But witnessing someone into their becoming.
He asked for my hand in marriage — not just as a romantic gesture, but as a Holy covering. He made me his wife, not just his "partner". He made it clear that I was someone worth building a life with, not just sharing moments with.
He gave me permission to stop working — not out of control or demand, but as a deep honoring of design and destiny as a woman. He recognized that my presence in the home, in the womb-space of our family, was not lesser, but vital, valuable and virtuous. He didn’t see me slowing down as weakness or laziness — he saw it as strength.
And most of all, he made me the mother of his child. He entrusted me with legacy. He looked at me and said, “I want you to raise what we create.” That, to me, is One of the highest forms of love — a man choosing you as the woman to carry both his heart and his lineage.
If there was just one “understanding” you could implant in every man’s brain about women, what would it be?
That they are the reason we feel unsafe. See Saoirse Ronan clip-- https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cp8x266myzyo.amp
We don't think we can do everything a man can do. This is a misinterpretation of equality. We believe we should be able to at least do the things we *can* do equally.
We don't want to "mom" you and we won't be sexually attracted to you if we have to. Don't put yourself in a position to be "momed"
We are fundamentally different from you — and that is a good thing. We were designed to be different. Not to compete with you, copy you, or constantly prove ourselves in your world — but to complement you in the way only a woman can.
We like it when you take care of yourself.
Women are your gateway to joy and elevation- treat her like that, the most precious thing.
She is your mirror. If you like what you see, beautiful. If you don’t like what you see, it’s your work not hers.
She just wants to feel safe. That’s it. In all ways. A regulated nervous system and self-respect will get you more sex than you can dream of.
Just one? Then let it be this:
A woman’s depth is not a puzzle to solve, a storm to calm, or a prize to win… it’s a world to honor. Understand this, and everything changes. The way you touch her. The way you speak to her. The way you listen, not for what’s useful, but for what’s sacred. She is not a project. She is not an emotional landscape to be “handled.” She is not a monolith called “woman”.
She is a symphony of nuance, memory, instinct, rage, tenderness, and brilliance… ever-shifting, ever-becoming. If a man can stop trying to conquer her mystery and instead choose to be present with it — curious, reverent, unthreatened — he’ll unlock a kind of intimacy no performance or technique could ever reach.
Because the truth is: She doesn’t want to be figured out. She wants to be felt. Not decoded. Received. And when that happens, she doesn’t just open…. She unfolds. And in that unfolding, you won’t just see her. You’ll see yourself more clearly than you ever have.
Thank you for your reading.
Our mission here is to add momentum to the movement that is working to take back masculinity, femininity and their natural fit with one another. If you feel this a worthwhile pursuit and would like to support us, please consider subscribing.
If you don’t have the funds to subscribe to “one more Substack”, we get it, really and alternatively have set up a link here, if you’d like to leave a tip.
We’ll endeavor to post weekly, if not more often, but that goal may flex a bit, with outside obligations. Any support you provide will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for being here and being part of this movement.
Who did he vote for?!!! Omg. 🤦🏻♀️
Wow. What a gift. Thank you to the women who contributed such honest and deeply felt responses.
And thanks to the author. Perhaps print this as a zine and distribute it widely?